I understand that I am a change-averse Luddite, and suspected that using Alpine my primary mail reader in this day and age was indicative of a slight flaw in my character.

Same with me, but with Pine, not Alpine.

Yes, clutter and latency. With the addition that my condition makes animations and noises stressful for me. Only a minor stress for minor animations and noise, but that little cognitive load can add up, particularly if I'm already stressed. I tend to flinch at swooping navigation or moving banners. There's a fear reaction, even if it's just a small one. It'd be really nice if I could check which local supermarket has the thing I like on special this week without a big, bright, rotating banner in my face.

And I don't have your physical disability, but the scrolling thing is a problem even for a person with normally functioning hands, on a laptop, when the designers assume you'll be able to view their damn mouseover dropdown menu without scrolling, and you can't scroll down to see all the options without losing the menu.